I stepped out into sunset, a warm slice of western sky and breathed a prayer of thanks – thanks for this moment, for this sky set on fire, glory bursting through the clouds, and wondered how I could ever doubt, how I could ever fail to trust the God of all creation, the One who spoke this into being?
A cardinal caught my eye, flame of red perched on a holly bough, and I wondered again, “How can I doubt?” My heart beats because of God. I see because of God. I touch and feel and taste and breathe because of God. I’m alive in this place, at this minute because of God. I can grasp and thread and button and zip and tie and type and text all because of God. I am, because of God.
God – who spoke every atom into being, who scooped up earth and breathed it into life – is the very same God who created berries dripping with summer, salty ocean breezes, the crisp winter wind, and me!
How can I doubt the God who creates beauty out of dust?
But I do.
I doubted the year my brother died from a single faulty beat of his heart, and after the accident when we realized my injuries would never heal, and when the surgeon gently said, “Its cancer.” I doubted the year my son got sick and didn’t get well. I believe, and I doubt.
And I’ve learned that trust is rooted in love, not human love, but God’s love – everlasting love, love without fail in every circumstance of every moment of every day of our lives on this earth. Love without question or hesitation or reservation or limits. For God doesn’t care where we are or how we’re dressed or who we’re with or what we’ve done. He simply says, “Come.” Just as you are. No matter what. Come.
God loves us more than we can begin to imagine or understand, more than life itself, so much more that He sacrificed Himself for us. Not because we deserve it, but because of who He is. That is love that doesn’t change or fade or fail.
“Come,” He says. Just as you are. Trust. Believe. And live!
Cindee Snider Re
Author, Photographer, and Co-Founder at Chronic Joy®
Cindee is wife of the man she loves most in this world, mama of five world-shaking creatives (19-27), author of Discovering Hope, Finding Purpose, Embracing Worth and I Take You in Sickness and in Health, photographer, craver of quiet, lover of cotton, denim, Jesus and tea, and co-founder of Chronic Joy®. Cindee and four of her five kids have Ehlers-Danlos, dysautonomia, intractable migraine, and myriad co-existing conditions through which they're learning the deeper the valley, the greater their capacity for joy.