If you came to grips with it, at least
Those around you whisper things like “drama”
Each of us faces a diff’rent beast
You didn’t expect it to hurt so bad
Or you did and you wanted proved wrong
Lost are the logical thoughts you once had
Something so simple lasts for so long
Mascara lines down paling cheeks
Trembling hands clutch bathroom sink
How long since you have felt this weak?
“Give her water,” drink, drink, drink
–Inhale
Exhale–
Coherent thoughts
Routine and necessity numbing the pain
You are responsible – think of the gain
This too shall pass
And it does
You do not have to tell yourself to breathe
But you do and it’s steady; a habit
Discover the feeling of sweet relief
Tell people it was hard, but you made it
But you don’t talk about that first moment
Five minutes, maybe?
Or longer
Are we counting the nightmares?
Much longer
You tell the details, distancing yourself
It happened then, the pain was here
But the emotions you seldom tell
All you felt was panic, fear
You’re most afraid it will happen again
And you worry you’ll be alone if it does
And it does
When you must relive it, the tears come first
They wait for no one, remembering
You brace yourself for the absolute worst
Then find you cannot do this thing
The prayer He prayed makes sense for the first time
“Remove this cup from me! I’m too weak to sip
I can’t bear it—Father, can You hear?
…
Your will be done.” The glass comes to my lips
I cry His name, and He says “I am here”
This too passed
But He remained
Lydia Brugere
Author
LYDIA HART grew up in the trenches of chronic illness; both in her mother and in herself. Currently, she is pursuing a degree in occupational therapy, because she has learned that the pain is never wasted, and the story should never be silenced. Lydia is the author of Don’t You Dare Shut Up: A Collection of Poems Lydia blogs at: Broken Bird Song
More by Lydia:
I have never read my story of pain put into words! It moves me so deeply! This touched my very soul! Lord take this cup! So powerful
! Thank you! Tears but of joy. But also grief? Yes ! But God!!!!
Dear Lydia,
Oh thank you so much for sharing this beautiful poem, spoken from the deep places of the heart. These words describe so well the feelings that arise from the places of pain. What a gift that our Jesus comes to dwell with us right there. Blessings to you as you continue to share from your heart.
These painful places thoughts are so beautifully and poetically expressed in this moving, totally relatable poem, revealing a measure of the beauty that can spring forth from the ashes of of lives. Thank you, Lydia! May you find comfort yourself in being able to write out your heart. Blessings 🙂
“Praise the Lord anyhoo!” This was given to me nearly 40 years ago by the lady who lead me to the Lord. Who had been a prisoner of war. And it has stood true & the test of time! In all the pain & suffering if we can but praise Him, & at times this is a sacrifice of praise…the enemy doesn’t have a chance!
From a fellow chronic pain sufferer! Thank you for your passionate poem, it says it all!
Jennifer