It’s easy to give when the cost is light
and time is easy, but when the price
inflates, I balk, clenching my fists,
refusing to expend, determined
to preserve, because love excavates
all that I have …
all that I am …
exhuming every last thing, flinging
specious pride beyond the city gates
with the rats and the refuse,
a moldering stench of pretension
riven from my fists …
loss upon loss …
upon cascading loss …
till I’m utterly void, destitute, bereft,
and impoverished, heaved onto the ash
heap with Job, hollow, numb,
and sepulchral … oozing
when love bleeds into the hollow,
suffusing Eden’s ache with a touch so
tender it shears self, cleaving pain and
shattering suffering into resplendent
shards of joy, glimpses of a world beyond
the veil. Source and Genesis. Alpha and
Omega. I am steeped in His Spirit, a wine
skin made new, those years the locusts
have eaten He redeems with a word …
Light of the World. Bread of Life.
Shepherd. Gate. Vine. The Way.
The Truth. The Life. Because He is …
More Posts From Cindee
Sam’s story doesn’t end in that place of “not yet,” in that long pause between what was and what will be. Because there is hope. There is always hope.
Somewhere along this rocky, twisting, unwanted adventure of chronic illness comes a place of wrestling with God, with self, with letting go. But it’s OK. Because spring is almost here, hope watered in tears, ready to push through the grief, and burst into light.
Cindee Snider Re
Author, Photographer, and Co-Founder at Chronic Joy®
Cindee is wife of the man she loves most in this world, mama of five world-shaking creatives (19-27), author of Discovering Hope, Finding Purpose, Embracing Worth and I Take You in Sickness and in Health, photographer, craver of quiet, lover of cotton, denim, Jesus and tea, and co-founder of Chronic Joy®. Cindee and four of her five kids have Ehlers-Danlos, dysautonomia, intractable migraine, and myriad co-existing conditions through which they're learning the deeper the valley, the greater their capacity for joy.