waves of grief

“Sometimes we just have to let the waves of grief come.” Becky Hill

sound iconGrief Doesn’t Just Come When People Die


Yesterday was a hard day – a day when pain and nausea nagged and taunted me the whole day, a day when grief in waves washed over me, reminders of loss, of restriction, of the shackles of chronic illness.

Grief doesn’t just come when people die, though that is one of the worst kinds. Grief comes wherever there is the loss of things important to us.


There is a Lot of Loss with Chronic Illness


Grief brings an anxiety, an inner pain that takes your breath away, a deep sense of loss and forced change, a feeling of being out-of-control, of not knowing what the future will look like.


The grief is real – yet unwelcome.


Grief is the uninvited visitor who barges in, brutally reminding you of every loss. You fight it, resist it, and want to chase it away. Sometimes you can. Sometimes you refocus and remember all the good things left to enjoy. But some days the battle rages as you dodge wave after wave after wave.


Sometimes You Have to Allow Yourself to Lament


You want to scream, cry, and shout out all your pain – the heartache, the weariness of constant battle. You don’t want to live like this. This is not how it was meant to be. You don’t have the energy to keep facing this kind of pain and suffering.

But there is absolutely nothing you can do but wade through the waves in search of peace. Sometimes you just have to grieve.

Sometimes you have to allow yourself to lament as David did in the Psalms. Sometimes you have to face the reality of the struggle, say how much it hurts, acknowledge how unfair it feels, and speak the REALITY.


Grief is a Painful Word


Grief is a painful word, and even more painful feeling, a reminder of how things used to be, how you hoped they would remain, who you thought you were and would be, the life you had in mind.

A significant part of my life died five years ago. My health shattered after one fall. I have forgotten what good health feels like. I don’t remember how it feels to have a body and brain that work normally, without a constant pressure and pain in my head and spine, screaming for attention, pulling me to distraction.

I want to be present, focusing fully on the people I’m with, the things I need to do, but this illness keeps shouting at me, demanding my attention. It is a relentless noise in the background of everything I do.


My Life Still Has Purpose and Meaning


Sometimes I just need to speak out the grief, the pain, the shame, the constant distraction, the exhaustion. When those waves of grief come, I am learning to let them BE for a moment. To acknowledge them – to voice them until I can find the strength to re-frame, refocus, and SEE the beauty that is still here.

Gratitude helps me focus on the wonder around me – my loving husband and family, a beautiful home, food on the table, amazing friends, the opportunity to write, encourage and teach, to make a difference in someone’s life, to love and be loved, to allow my pain to produce a deeper sensitivity to others’ pain, to remember that my life has purpose and meaning despite its debilitation.


Sometimes We Just Have to Let the Waves of Grief Come


This is not easy. The theory is good, the practice can be hard. Grief can be suffocating, distressing, disconcerting, disconnecting, and it can paralyze us, attacking our confidence, peace, mental stability, and the ability to recognize our purpose and worth.


But in facing and accepting grief, we can also learn to find a new way forward.

Published at beckyhillblog.com on 2/25/20. *Adapted and published with permission.


Waves of Grief in Chronic Illness

by Becky Hill | Read by Becky

More Posts from Becky

Becky Hill

Becky Hill

Chronic Joy® Contributing Writer

Becky lives in Leicester, UK and is a wife to Matt, mum to two girls, and a pursuer of Christ. Becky and Matt love the local church and have been involved in pastoral ministry for many years. In January, 2015, Becky fell from a step ladder causing a debilitating cerebrospinal fluid leak, which means she has to spend much of her day lying flat. Becky loves words and writes to connect, encourage, share her journey, and inspire others facing suffering, chronic illness and pain.


Turn My Mourning into Dancing

Turn My Mourning into Dancing

Henri J.M. Nouwen

In times of suffering, simplistic answers ring empty and hollow. But Henri Nouwen, beloved spiritual thinker and author, offers real comfort in the concrete truth of God's constancy. Nouwen suggests that by greeting life's pains with something other than despair, we can find surprising joy in our suffering.


Hurting with God: Learning to Lament with the Psalms

Glenn Pemberton

Giving new hope to the weary, this book brings insight, guiding readers to learn about the necessity of lament through the exploration of the Psalms. Many ask "Why do bad things happen to good people?" Setting this philosophical issue aside to consider the practical: How do believers live out faith in prolonged seasons of pain and loss? How can we live with God when it hurts--and continues to hurt?


A Letter of Consolation

A Letter of Consolation

Henri J.M. Nouwen

This book reflects on the spiritual significance of death and life in this moving meditation dedicated to "all those who suffer the pain that death can bring and who search for new life." A long letter to Nouwen’s father after the death of his mother. A book to pass on to anyone who is going through a period of grief after loss.


Suffering & Joy

Suffering & Joy

Suffering and joy are two strands of a single fiber. Joy thrives in the midst of suffering, for it is not rooted in circumstance, but is born of the knowledge that God is present in every moment of our lives.



Lament Guide

Notecards, Postcards & More

Letter-writing is a vital and life-giving ministry not only to those who are hurting, grieving, recovering, homebound, lonely, ill, depressed, or isolated, but to the writer as well.

Encourage and inspire others by putting #PenToPaper with one (or more!) of our creative notecard or postcard collections. How about tucking one of our professionally printed guides in the envelope?

Support the mission and ministry of Chronic Joy with every purchase from the Chronic Joy Store.

We pray, we serve, we create, we give, and God ignites change one precious life at a time.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

Share with your friends!