I Take You: The Beautiful Gift of Kindness in Marriage

Love is patient; love is kind. (1 Corinthians 13:4a)

As I held the phone in my hands, I knew that it was time to make another hard call. It had been over a year since I had spoken with my family friend and counselor. She had helped me through some very tough times in the past, and even though I felt reluctant to share our latest news, I knew that the Lord was prompting me to share my need.

It has not been easy to share the news of my husband’s terminal illness with anyone. How do you start a conversation like that?

“Hello. We’ve received word that my husband won’t be with us much longer.”

No, that’s too abrupt. Maybe this instead:

“Hello. We wanted to update you on our progress as we feel the weight of our coming days.”

No, that’s a little too vague. I finally decided just to call and let the Lord lead the conversation. He knew what I needed to share and what I needed to hear. It was a beautiful conversation, with my friend asking the questions I needed to face.

She wanted to know if we had found ways to communicate our feelings about the diagnosis with each other truthfully. I knew we had only scratched the surface, so she suggested a couple of books that might spur our conversations to a deeper level. I agreed to look into those resources.

After I hung up, I realized a wonderful resource from Chronic Joy was already waiting for me on my bookshelf. I had wanted to read Cindee Snider Re’s I Take You in Sickness and Health for several years, but the timing wasn’t right until the day I called my counselor.

SHOWING KINDNESS

So, on Sunday mornings during this summer of change, my husband and I sat down with the book and brought our hearts together to the Lord — and He has met us in ways that I could not have envisioned.

Chapter 1 of I Take You in Sickness and Health discussed kindness, something I often considered, especially since I kept coming across Chronic Joy’s Kindness → Pass It On emphasis. However, I did not realize that I had been showing unkindness to my husband in many small ways throughout this exploration of our unique journeys with chronic and terminal illness.

While I knew in my heart that we each would process our illness journey in different ways, it had taken my head longer to catch up with my heart. As we took time to express our unique needs and desires for kindness, I saw ways my attitude needed to shift. I had been expecting him to bear his illness in the same way that I had learned to bear my illness — but he is not me, and neither is his illness mine. I began recognizing some small acts of kindness I had missed. He also noticed certain things, and we held each other in prayer that first morning of study.

THE QUESTIONS DEEPEN

As the summer wore on, the questions grew deeper. The chapter headings of I Take You in Sickness and Health alone lay out a plan of how to look more closely at the union between a husband and wife:

1. Kindness
2. Growth
3. Willingness
4. Forgiveness
5. Time
6. Intimacy
7. Differences
8. Presence
9. Impact
10. Wellspring

One week, the assignment was to write a letter to your partner expressing your thankfulness. During another week, we worked on a bucket list of things we once enjoyed doing together and hoped to do again.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING TOGETHER

The most profound revelation for both of us came the week we realized that God had already been so faithful in our marriage over all these years. While we long for more time to do things together, our biggest desire is not the doing part of that desire. No, it is the together part of that desire.

None of us knows the number of our days here on Earth, but we all know that our time is limited. When that time seems burdened with the extra strain of chronic and terminal illness, shouldn’t we allow the Lord to help cover those days with love and care for the one with whom we are united most deeply?

I TAKE YOU: THE BEAUTIFUL GIFT OF MARRIAGE

I was so blessed as my husband and I opened our hearts to study I Take You in Sickness and Health together. The timing was perfect for us, and I know that many others could also be blessed to read Cindee’s words. I would love to pray Cindee’s closing prayer in the final chapter as my prayer with you today:

Father of all creation, we come to You this day seeking Your guidance and direction. Help us to see beyond our limited capacity to understand. Show us how we can serve with kindness and tenderness so our words encourage and help all who are in need, especially our spouses. Allow us again to see love and the beautiful gift of marriage as You intended. Amen.