Love, Marriage and Epilepsy

How are you and your spouse handling your chronic illness?

MARRIAGE

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. (Mark 10:9)

I always wanted to be a wife and a mother. I often dreamed of it while growing up, envisioning what my Prince Charming would be like. (Yes, I sure did love my Disney movies!) When I was asked at age nine what I would like for a birthday present, the only gift I requested was a baby name book to prepare for my future as a wife and mother.

I had a mental blueprint laid out. I wanted to be nothing like my parents. I wanted to feel love and give an abundance of love to my spouse and children.

HEARTBREAK AND DISAPPOINTMENT

My father was a broken man—an alcoholic whom I never got to know outside the bottle. My parents separated when I was three years old. My mother was a hard-working, single woman, too busy and too guarded (by nature) to open up to speak or listen to thoughts or feelings.

That wasn’t me. I thought deeply. As I grew up, I felt so much but had no one to turn to. I made several mistakes I can never take back as I tried to find love and a listening ear, only to find heartbreak and disappointment.

A GRAND MAL SEIZURE

I had my first seizure when I was sixteen years old—a grand mal seizure. It was in the middle of the night, not long after I’d gone to bed. I woke up to find myself strapped to a gurney, dazed and confused with a pounding headache. There were two paramedics on either side of me asking me questions such as “Did you take any drugs tonight?” and “Do you know who the president is?”

I was so frightened. I had no idea what had happened. Was it a bad dream? Doctors ran tests, but they couldn’t figure out why I had that seizure. I was placed on medication for one year. In that period, I didn’t have another seizure, so I was taken off of medication, completely fine.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

God was always watching over me. I know this to be true. He eventually lovingly touched my heart and soul by bringing my now husband into my life. When we met, I hesitated to reveal the details of my first seizure for fear that he would walk away. Yet I knew I had to take the chance. When I told him, he amazingly accepted me for who I was.

It was love at first sight. We were married six months later. My heart was overflowing with elation at being his wife and the thought of beginning our family when the time was right. However, God had a different story written for us. Six years after my first seizure and four months after we married, I had my second seizure.

MARRIAGE AND EPILEPSY: A DIFFERENT STORY

After my husband left for work early on the morning of December 11, 2008, I jumped in the car to drive to the store to pick out Christmas presents. I never made it. While driving, my body collapsed, and my vision faded. With all the might I had left, I attempted to reach my foot to the brake pedal but blacked out and seized, crashing into a small tree.

Thankfully, I only suffered whiplash, but I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I was utterly devastated. Metaphorically, I felt our dreams crumble to pieces in my hands. Following my diagnosis, I turned to my husband and told him that he could leave me for someone healthy—not someone sick like me. I wouldn’t hold it against him. I loved him so much and only wanted the best for him.

Yet he refused to leave my side. I was both shocked and thankful. I thanked God repeatedly for the gift of a husband who reminded me of the vows we had taken at our wedding and vowed to take this condition on with me.

KEEP THE DOOR OPEN FOR MIRACLES

I struggled to adjust to life with a chronic illness, and sometimes (even now after eleven years of living with epilepsy), I still experience feelings of frustration, sadness, or even longing for normality. Yet I’m also so thankful for all of the blessings that have come from this trial.

My husband and I created The Epilepsy Network (TEN), a website that helps those affected by epilepsy to better understand the condition. My blog, Rise Above Epilepsy, not only details my journey but also offers tips and advice.

Through this struggle, God has helped me grow individually and spiritually, drawing me closer to Him. As much as I don’t like having seizures, I’m happy to help others find their voice and courage.

I may not have gotten what I planned for, but God’s plan is astounding—and I keep the door open for miracles.

PRAYER

Dear Father, marriage is challenging at the best of times, and my illnesses can make it seem extra difficult. Please help me keep communicating with You and my spouse. Remind me on the hard days that You can use my illnesses to draw me close to You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• How are you and your spouse handling your chronic illness?
• When was the last time you talked openly with your spouse about your feelings or asked how they are feeling?
• Name some blessings that God has brought about amid your illness.

INVITATION

Why not find time to connect with your spouse in a new way? Try using Words Are Powerful as a starting point for some conversation.