Caregiver in Pain

Caregiver in Pain – No Comparisons Wanted

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. (Galatians 6:2-5)

CAREGIVER IN PAIN

My husband Rick was standing in the bedroom doorway. It was about two hours after we had climbed into bed, and the gout in his foot was keeping him awake.

“I’m not waiting until morning. I’m going to start the steroids right now.”

Trying to remain calm after his shout (which shook the room), I said, “You can’t take them ‘til morning.”

“I don’t care!” he replied, “—and how do you know that anyway? I can’t sleep and won’t be able to work tomorrow.”

I didn’t want to argue or create more tension, but I wanted to be sure Rick didn’t take the pills.

“The doctor said not to take them after midday, or you’ll have trouble sleeping, even with no pain.”

“I’m in pain!” he roared (in a voice much louder than anyone should ever use). Our dog jumped, startled.

I wanted to say, “Now you know how I feel,” but instead, I suggested he try sleeping on the recliner or sofa. I knew better than to try to have a rational conversation with him in his state of mind. He limped away, still grumbling.

I didn’t sleep well, checking the living room every few hours to see if Rick was sleeping. His familiar snore was reassuring. A bit after 6 a.m., he woke me to ask me to text his workplace to let them know he wouldn’t be there. He wandered off to take his first dose of steroids. 

CARING NOT COMPARING

I slept for a bit, then moved slowly through back and leg pain to join him and see if he needed anything. Instead, he (ever the caregiver) fetched my morning coffee for me.

He was calm and quiet, apologizing for the yelling. The dark night was over, and we knew healing would come quickly. 

My mind was pulled toward comparing my mostly constant pain to his more acute, soon-to-be-gone trouble. It was an ugly path to follow, and I stopped short. This was the man I love, who gives me so much care and support—and I greedily accept it all. Who am I to deny him his response to pain? It is okay for the care receiver to attend to the caregiver’s needs. In fact, it is precisely what the Word of God teaches us:

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)

I am truly grateful to the Lord for tugging at my spirit. I chose love.

Why Compare?

what shape is your pain?
does a circle weigh more
than a square?
do you prefer the look of ovals
or diamonds, pointed,
sharp-edged, ready
to shatter? Does it matter?

yours may be neatly packaged
wrapped in a shiny bow
others may be open
still pouring fresh.
does the rawness impress?

one thing remains
love them, love yourself
the only thing stronger
than all the pains.

PRAYER

Father God, we are amazed at how You created each of us in unique and special ways. It seems silly to waste energy and emotions comparing ourselves to others. Forgive us for our foolishness, and help us to walk in Your ways. In Jesus name, I pray.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• What is your response to another’s pain? Think of your inner reactions the last time someone complained about hurting.
• How did you feel the last time you compared yourself to someone you thought was better than you? How about when comparing yourself to someone you thought you were better than?
• What do you do to help meet the needs of caregivers?