Living Well When It Hurts

LIVING WELL WHEN PAIN PUSHES US TO OUR LIMITS

I don’t think anyone would argue that we all juggle a lot (home life, vocation, projects, responsibilities). Many of us have become amazing multitaskers.

God created us to be helpers and nurturers, but we often put the needs of others above our own. So, it’s not surprising that one of the questions I’m most frequently asked is: How do I continue to ____ well while living in chronic pain?

Maybe you’re single, and your blank would be filled with serving or work. Maybe your children are all grown (or your spouse has passed away), and your blank might be completed with finish my life.

Pain complicates things. It pushes us to our uttermost limits and can reveal the worst of our sinful nature. None of us wants to be known or remembered for how cranky we can get—I know I don’t. Thankfully, as believers in Jesus Christ, we know God can use even the worst circumstances in our lives for good. Our sinfulness doesn’t have to define us!

As I’ve struggled with chronic pain my entire life, I’ve repeatedly discovered that pain can make me an ugly person—but I’ve also found some key behaviors that have helped turn that ugliness around.

1. LEARN TO DISCERN SELF-INDUCED GUILT AND TRUE GUILT

Ask God to impress on your heart what you do or do not need forgiveness for. Pain can produce a sense of self-guilt over things we should not feel guilty about. God’s Spirit and Word can help us discern what self-induced guilt is and what actual guilt over sin is (for which I do need to ask forgiveness).

For example, self-guilt may lead me to believe I need to ask my daughter’s forgiveness because I was in too much pain to accompany her class on a field trip (which disappointed her). Yes, her feelings are legitimate, and we should talk about it, but I have not truly sinned against her. However, if I say something to her that hurts her feelings simply because I’m frustrated with my constant pain, that is something I need to apologize for—both to her and God.

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. (Hebrews 10:22)

2. LIVING WELL INCLUDES COMMUNICATING ABOUT YOUR PAIN

Communicate about your pain to those you interact with and those you love. I realize that we all have different comfort levels sharing about our health. I (obviously) am open to sharing quite a bit with whoever will listen. Sometimes, however, I do not adequately communicate so the people around me can understand my needs. Occasionally, this is because I assume that they should know (by this point) exactly how I’m feeling and thinking. Other times, it’s because I do not want to sound like I’m always complaining about my pain.

One truth about chronic pain is that it varies in intensity from day to day. The people who love us need help understanding this, especially if the suffering is unseen. Again, let me give an example.

One day, I may wake up feeling pretty good physically. Since I’m having a “good” day with my pain, I’ll unload the dishwasher, do a few loads of laundry, run errands, cook dinner, etc. The next day, however, I may wake up with pressure in my head and every nerve and muscle in my body aching to the point where it is a chore to just get out of bed. As the day goes on, I won’t explain how I feel. Instead, I get frustrated that no one is helping with things around the house—but why should they? Yesterday, I did everything just fine. So, I have to communicate (not complain) why things are different today.

3. START YOUR DAY WITH PRAYER

On the days when you feel it will be near impossible to love or serve anyone because of your pain, start your day with earnest prayer. Ask God to strengthen you when you are weak. He will give you exactly what you need that day—I promise He will. Friends often tell me I look the most beautiful on my most pain-filled days. I can assure you that it’s not because of the makeup (although that certainly helps) but rather Christ’s love shining through me.

No matter where you find yourself on the daily spectrum of trying to live and love well amid chronic pain, permit yourself to lean into the power and presence of your compassionate Savior. You can surrender all your pain, emotions, fragility, and brokenness to Him and rest in His promise to shine through you—even on your darkest days.

First published in Just Between Us magazine. Published with permission.

PRAYER

Father, Thank You for meeting me right here amid my pain. Thank You that I can surrender my pain and brokenness to You. I want to rest in Your promises and have others see You in me. Help me be gentle with myself and yet honest when I need to ask others for patience and understanding. Help me lean into You today. In Jesus’ name, amen.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

• How would you fill in the blank? How do I continue to ____ well while living in chronic pain?
• How can you effectively communicate your feelings to those around you?
• Is there anyone you need to ask to forgive you? Choose a way to do this today.