Grieve What You’ve Lost

“May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. ” Psalm 119:76

​

May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. Psalms119:76

Losing your health is a significant event. It’s natural to feel sad, angry, or disappointed. When you lose the ability to work, engage in social activities, and take care of yourself, among other things, it’s normal to grieve. Give yourself time to process what has happened, find ways to cope, determine how to manage, and find meaning going forward.

​ INSIGHTS ABOUT GRIEF

First of all, grief is an individual thing. There are as many ways to grieve as there are people. There’s no set way to do it, and there’s no timeline to follow.

It’s okay if you struggle to believe this has happened to you. You’ve experienced a huge loss that has likely hindered or interrupted your plans and stolen your dreams. It’s a lot to process. Also, there’s no right or wrong way to feel about getting sick. Whether you feel angry, depressed, or any other emotion, simply acknowledge your feelings, whatever they may be. Start there. Then be patient with yourself as you face all that you’ve lost or missed out on.

Be assured that if you became sick as a child, teen, or young adult, it’s understandable for you to grieve. Perhaps you didn’t get the opportunity to go to college, move out on your own, launch a career, or start a family. Grieving isn’t only for what you had and then lost. It’s also for what you didn’t get to experience in the first place. It’s normal to grieve what could have been.

If your health declines further and you lose more as a result, it’s normal to grieve again. You may find yourself going through this process more than once. While wearisome, this doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It simply means there’s more grief work to do if your health changes.

You’re in a position where you need to re-think every part of your life. It’s draining to figure out how to manage physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally. It takes time, and that’s okay.

SUGGESTIONS FOR GRIEVING

See your situation for what it is. You don’t need to downplay it nor exaggerate it. Simply be honest about the reality of your circumstances, and be candid about what you think and feel about your life. Even if you have nothing positive to say at this point, that’s okay. Start from a place of honesty, and go from there.

Remember that this illness doesn’t define you. It may have turned your life upside down or stolen your independence. You may change in some ways as a result, but you aren’t less of a person. You still have worth and value. Nothing can truly take that away.

You may need to grieve the loss of relationships. There may be people in your life who aren’t supportive. Whether you lose the closeness you once had with others or lose them from your life completely, it’s natural to grieve.

While it’s okay to have questions, they may remain unanswered, whether temporarily or in the long-term. For now, focus on what you do know and what you can do to treat your body well. Also focus on faith and what that means in your situation.

Work toward acceptance, and understand what that does and doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean you’ve given in. You didn’t “let” it happen. It doesn’t mean you’ve given up or that you have to stop trying to get better or hoping there will be better treatment available someday. Acceptance means you acknowledge that you became sick, your life has changed, and it may be permanent. It also means you’re contemplating how you’ll manage, as well as continue on in some way.

Identify what is comforting and healing for you. For your soul, this may be Bible verses, prayer, or music. Physically, it might be something that is warm and soothing for you. When you’re struggling, focus on what comforts you and bask in whatever feels healing for you.

INSIGHTS ABOUT MOVING FORWARD

Even though your body may not be as strong anymore, you can still be strong in other ways. Try to further develop your inner strengths.

Find some way to make this life livable and bearable. While it won’t be what you originally planned, perhaps you can still find something good to help you endure in spite of your difficult situation.

Search for new meaning in your life. It may look different than what you imagined or be much smaller, but it can be something that matters. Your life can still make a difference to someone.

Accept and process your emotions as they come, be patient with yourself as you grieve all that you’ve lost, and be honest with the Lord about how you feel. This is a process, and you may be up and down and all over the place. That’s okay. Cling to the Lord to steady you and strengthen you to manage the fluctuations. And remember that even though it may be a time to close some chapters in your life, this is not the end. The Lord still has good things in mind for you. Rest in him as you watch for what he has in store.

AN INVITATION

For more on the topic, see In the Midst of Grief as well as the printable, Sorrow, Lament, & Grief,