10,000 Reasons • When Gratitude Kickstarts Joy

GOD LACKS NO CREATIVITY EVEN IN THE LABOR ROOMS OF CHANGE

Light fell through the Emergency Room’s glassed-in ceiling and onto Johann’s face as he sang,

“Whatever lies before me, I will be singing when the evening comes. Bless the Lord oh, my soul …10,000 reasons and forever more …”  (10,000 Reasons, Matt Redman)

BLINDNESS ISN’T EASY

Johann sings while waiting. Ah, yes. Blindness isn’t easy, but I froze today as he sang: “When the evening comes.”

As he waited on a stretcher near the CT scan unit of Nimhan’s Hospital’s Neuroscience Department, an orderly changed the sheets to Johann’s favorite color – lavender. How could she have known? Was this a sign that total healing would follow? Johann (now 19 and blind from birth) can detect a few colors and perceive light.

“Ma, I love the lavender …” he said.

Nodding, I bit back tears and a muffled reply.

IT WILL PASS

Two years ago, our gentle teenager steadily began to turn into a stranger we could hardly recognize. A year later, a new medication put an end to his seizures, but the trial had just begun. 

When Johann’s seizures finally stopped, his aggression began. He was 18.

“It will pass,” friends said.

The girls and Johann had a beautiful childhood, sharing music, fun, and games. The girls were proud to be seen with their brother. Now, there were blows, bites, scratches, rage, and verbal battery. We went to parks on sunrise picnics, made road trips, prayed, wept, and clung together as a couple and individually with each of our girls. However, when any of us went out without him, Johann would scream in panic, running past the gate in search of us.

A new kind doctor changed Johann’s medications gradually while withdrawing earlier prescriptions.

Dearest Lord God, must we now have withdrawal combat, too?

EVEN IF YOU SLAY ME

“Brace yourselves,” the doctor said, his face filled with a compassion that scared me.

The following months were a Gethsemane place where we would taste the bittersweet of Job and Daniel: “Even if You slay me…” (Job 13:15, Daniel 3:14-18).

 Johann adopted us at age one. God brought us up together in His Kindergarten of Faith —  but now, was He letting us out on our own?

The first hint of Johann’s illness started around his high school final exams when he refused to touch his Braille. As December stretched into January, his dimpled grin receded even faster. We guided him to handwrite, “I know my Redeemer lives…” and then pinned it up where we could see it. We were clinging to sanity.

“How long?” I frantically texted our second daughter, Kitsy, across the room. (To avoid verbal trigger words, we texted each other.)

“God won’t put something in our laps that we cannot handle. Unsure how long, Ma, but I’m willing to wait,” she replied.

Was it just yesterday that Kitsy had screamed, “I – I want my brother back!” Now she was beaming and serene?

RAGGEDY WORSHIP

This is what happens: one of us sinks, but another perks up with unthinkable faith—or Scripture leaps out from a calendar. The movie Hacksaw Ridge speaks volumes to us. It is easy to fall into self-destruction, but God lacks no creativity, even in the labor rooms of change.

Johann sang with the voice of an angel. His seizures took that from him — but from the pit of that hell, he began to sing again: 10,000 Reasons, a song that brought me to tears. Johann was singing! Yes, with a crackly sandpaper voice, but he was singing!

We broke into raggedy worship amid cushions-flying-at-our-heads-and-worse but surrounded by the prayers of dear family and friends. Often, I would stare at the predawn sky. God was and is present, like in those three silent days after Gethsemane: “… a Rose trampled on the ground, He … thought of me most of all.” (Above All, Michael W. Smith)

OUR PRAYERS GREW DESPERATE

Lord, please help me through the noise of my questions. Give the girls some joy today. Help my husband, Jeff.

We also experienced professional setbacks around this time. Could it get any worse? It could. You cannot reroute through Gethsemane if you want to finish with flying colors.

Some of my own prayers irritated me. “Thank You, Lord, for the trials You send us.” Gratitude was the best we could do – thanking God for a little bird in the window, for a relative who sent a gift, for a glorious sunset, or even for Johann’s question, “What is happening to me?”

GRATITUDE KICKSTARTED JOY

Yes, gratitude kickstarted joy — and other things I have no words for.

I began to blog and paint again. A friend called wondering why I had dropped off social media and asked if I would consider an art book contract with a Christian publisher. The theme? Hope for the Hurting. My head said No, but God nudged me to say Yes — so I did.

Jeff started painting, too, and though he is not one to be poetic, he titled the work Autumn Blush. It was soul harvest time. Our daughter Kitsy cooked offerings of love. This once-hyper young teenager was turning out exotic recipes amid COVID-19 lockdown rationing. Our eldest daughter, Vihan, had begun a fellowship for those her age and older, and we joined her online — not easy to do with Johann intolerant of a particular chord on the guitar or insisting on rocking right in front of the camera, yet his presence reached more people than we thought possible.

Light falls through the curtains as I write, and Johann asks what I’m doing. I tell him I am writing about his song, 10,000 Reasons, and he smiles his lop-sided smile.

GRATITUDE AND JOY – SING LIKE NEVER BEFORE

Outside, a Koyal bird calls. There will be rain tonight after a sweltering Indian day. Ah, Lord God, more reasons to bless Your name even if our son isn’t well yet.

“Sing like never before, oh my soul.”

Worship Him for His Spirit of matchless comfort in the presence of our frail humanity.

Unconditional healing is God lifting our innermost being, no matter the ordeal. Oh, the awe of holding hands with God, being loved by Him amid pain, learning to love Him back, and loving each other unconditionally (as He does)!

We are learning.