Keeping Faith Amid Depression

Though I sit in darkness, the Lord is my light. (Micah 7:8b)

Keeping Faith Amid Depression

I stand with the rest of the congregation for a familiar hymn. My heart is sad and parched. Mouthing the words takes a Herculean effort. I feel out of place amid so many people with smiles on their faces and praise on their lips. I can’t remember the last time I felt buoyant in spirit or put my heart into worship. Guilt badgers me, for I know joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.
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I’m trying to muster enough resolve to keep a lunch appointment with a student and to teach an afternoon class at the university. I hope the student won’t show. The idea of listening to and feigning interest in another person creates pressure that I resent. There’s a high humidity in my heart that smothers motivation and saps energy for the daily routine.
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I sit in my recliner, clutching a second handful of tear-soaked tissues. In stark contrast to the afternoon sun, my spirit is pitch-black. “Where are You when I need You?” I cry aloud to God as despair envelops me. “Don’t You care enough to help?”
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The pain won’t ease up.

These vignettes from the past year depict my ongoing struggle with depression. I’m either too numb to feel anything, or the pendulum swings to the opposite extreme and I collapse in a torrent of tears. The voice of despair insists that the darkness is inevitable, that the pain will never subside. The voice of faith offers a rebuttal, pointing me to God and asserting that hope will have the last word. Hope can triumph over despondency.

I believe that the gospel is hopeful, that God is good, that any form of adversity can serve a redemptive purpose. I identify with the psalmist who (within a single verse) acknowledged despondency and told himself to focus on God as an object of trust: Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God! (Psalm 42:5)

I can’t claim victory over the nemesis of depression. Yet I can share how I contend with it and avoid yielding to hopelessness. I can tell you what I’m learning about keeping faith when the feeling is gone.

Godly and Depressed

A myth persists among some Christians that if a person is right with the Lord, despondency won’t descend on him. I’ve learned that there is no direct correlation between the onset of depression and the quality of my relationship with the Lord. I’m not suggesting that time alone with God and His Word isn’t crucial in the fight against despondency. I am saying that neglect of spiritual disciplines isn’t a satisfactory explanation for the onset of my emotional lows. I can be in the vise grip of depression when I’m in close fellowship with the Lord, and I can be lighthearted when I’m not close to Him.

Medical experts agree that recurring depression, especially when it cannot be linked to a personal setback or external event, has a biological basis. That’s why medical intervention may be needed. Since 1990, I’ve been under a physician’s care; prescription medications have boosted my mental health and kept the depression in check.

However, the effectiveness of medication has waned, and I’ve become depressed more often. I’m discovering that even depression with a physical cause must be fought with spiritual weapons, as well as with medication.

Promises, Promises

My first weapon in the battle against despondency remains the promises in God’s Word. I’ve discovered that memorizing selected verses keeps me from giving up and yielding to despair. God’s promises fuel the faith that’s needed to counter my feelings of hopelessness.

I buttress my faith with verses that combat hopelessness—such as Psalm 30:5: Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Another buoyant promise that keeps me from drowning in discouragement is Nahum 1:7: The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.

When depressed, I am often unable to sense God’s presence as I prepare for and teach classes, so I lock my mental lens on Isaiah 41:10: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Gather Round

In addition to clinging to God’s promises, I desperately need the love and support of my friends and family. During one particularly rough week, my wife and closest friends thought I might be suicidal. A friend took me to breakfast and assured me of his love.

Another showed up at my house the same day. “I’m sitting by your side for the next couple of hours,” he announced. “I didn’t come with advice, but I’m here in case you want to talk or pray. Even if you just read the paper or watch TV, I’m not leaving your side.”

Their actions affirmed and encouraged me. I was on the receiving end of two of the Apostle Paul’s relational commands to believers:

• Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
• Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Anyone who is depressed needs the safe harbor of a friend or a small group where

• he can drop anchor and receive emotional support.
• she can be transparent and admit needs.
• he can be lovingly prayed for.

The help of a Christian counselor may also be needed.

A Softened Heart

Though emotional pain is not the direct result of sin on my part, depression softens my heart and makes me open to the Holy Spirit’s work in my life. When I’m victimized by a flagging spirit, I pray more—and when I’m in the presence of God more often, the Holy Spirit takes advantage of my brokenness to beam a light on areas of impurity. He can expose sin more readily because there’s less pride hindering the process.

Pointing to God

I’m convinced that God gets more glory when we’re needy, when we’re in a situation requiring His intervention. This idea is expressed in Psalm 50:15: Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.

Realizing that my need provides an opportunity for God to be magnified motivates me to pray when I’m depressed. I believe He will hear my plea because my situation offers an occasion for Him to act. It’s the giver, not the recipient, who gets the glory. I feel confident that God will use me in ministry despite my despondency since it gives Him a chance to do what only He can do.

Charles Spurgeon is a prime example of a person who honored God despite debilitating bouts of despondency. Spurgeon, understanding that human need magnifies the sufficiency of God, made a huge impact on his generation as a preacher and an author. His struggles with depression provided these words: “We shall bring our Lord most glory if we get from Him much grace.”

Spurgeon’s remark resonates with me because I am a man receiving much grace from God. If my life glorifies Him as a result, then even my depression serves a redemptive purpose.

Though bouts of depression persist, I see the light in the promises of Scripture, in the faces of supportive friends, in the purifying work of God’s Spirit, and in the realization that my plight provides a prime opportunity for God to receive glory. Thanks to these means of sustenance and perspective, Micah 7:8 rings true in my life: Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.

First printed in the Discipleship Journal, 2004. Published with permission.