PAIN & COMPASSION

PRACTICAL TOOLS

Pain opens the door to compassion.

 Cultivated by the Spirit’s compassion, pain invites us to care deeply for one another, grow together, suffering with one another so that none of us is isolated or alone. Pain opens the door to the Spirit’s compassion in us.

Now I’m sure of this: the sufferings we endure now are not even worth comparing to the glory that is coming and will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)

EIGHT INDISPENSABLE PRINCIPLES OF PAIN

1. PAIN CAN MAKE US APPROACHABLE

Pain reminds us that we need one another. When we are open, honest, and vulnerable, we invite others to share their pain too.

 “Compassion begins with attention.” (Daniel Goleman)

2. PAIN CAN GROW OUR COMPASSION AND KINDNESS

Through pain, we learn to be tender-hearted, listen patiently, offer a hug, or sit with someone in silence. Walking with one another through the pain invites us to see life from a different perspective.

“Presence is the gift we give when we put aside the quick fix or the overused cliché and just sit still and listen to someone’s story. Presence allows for tender silence and calls it holy.” (Elizabeth Foss)

3. PAIN CAN MAKE US STRONGER

From the depths of pain, we learn endurance and strength. We know that when difficult seasons come again, we can face them knowing God is with us, no matter what.

The Holy Spirit is the one who comes alongside us. (The Greek roots for Holy Spirit are para, meaning beside or near, and kletos, meaning one who is invited or appointed.)

God’s Spirit is in us and with us. It is His strength that others are drawn to through our pain and weakness.

“God keeps all our tears in a bottle … It was a precious ointment wherewith the woman in the Pharisee’s house anointed the feet of Christ; but her tears, wherewith she washed them, were worth more than her spikenard.” (Abraham Wright)

4. PAIN HAS A GREATER PURPOSE

Through pain, God chisels away at the things we cling to, growing our patience, endurance, and trust in Him. Each time we encounter pain, God builds on the work He has already begun.

“Your suffering can have purpose. It can lead to a deepening of your faith and bring about a renewal in your relationship with Jesus. But first, we have to choose to let Jesus work through the hardships we face.” (Becky Weber)

5. PAIN CAN BE INSPIRING

We can find great beauty in the crucible of suffering, where we experience the exquisite tenderness of God. Those two words, exquisite tenderness, are defined as flawless craftsmanship, and gentleness and affection. How beautiful then is the gentle, affectionate, and flawless craftsmanship of God in the crucible of suffering.

Beauty and pain are mirror images. God’s exquisite tenderness is refining us into the flawless craftsmanship He created us to be before we were born into this broken and hurting world.

Yet the choice is ours. To discover the beauty, we must first surrender to the pain.

“… there is always room to hold both the beauty and the pain … There are endless places beauty rests because God is found everywhere. But I discovered that unless I was extremely intentional, I could easily go a whole day without relishing in some gift, however large or small.” (Bridget McCartney Nohara)

6. PAIN CAN TEACH US TO SEEK GOD’S JOY

What if it’s only through pain that we discover joy? In John 15:5, Jesus says, “I am the vine; you are the branches.” The grafting of a branch onto a vine is only accomplished through wounding. When we abide in Christ and bear fruit, the result is joy.

 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. (John 15:11)

7. PAIN CAN DEEPEN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS

Pain can inspire us to grow deeper in our relationship with Jesus. When we choose to worship in the midst of pain, we don’t deny the pain but shift our attention from what we feel to who God is.

“Through pain, God has ushered me into the fullest, most intimate, most sacred encounters with him.” (Vaneetha Risner)

8. PAIN CAN TELL A STORY

Our scars tell the story of our pain, sorrow, loss, and survival. The scars don’t define us, but they tell a part of our story. Sometimes things must be undone, unraveled, or even torn down for God’s best to be purposed, built up, or birthed in us.

“Scars tell stories of pain — and redemption. Our brokenness provides a pedestal for the display of God’s beauty.” (Elisa Morgan)

THERE ARE ALSO SOME IMPORTANT DON’TS

Please don’t:

• tell me to think positively.
• give me advice.
• discount or diminish my pain.
• trivialize my pain by telling me others have it worse or that my situation could be so much harder.
• try to solve or fix it.

“I’ve been humbled again and again watching my wife — after years of chronic pain — selflessly serve other sufferers behind the scenes. She has always been compassionate, but through her suffering, she is now always moving toward others’ suffering because she knows the pain and the struggles. She knows when to encourage. She knows when to simply groan with someone. God has comforted her so that she can comfort others. It is all His grace in her pain. It is all His strength in her weakness. He deserves all the glory, and yet He still means to use her to accomplish His purpose of comforting others.” (Dave Zuleger)

“Sometimes when we hurt so bad, we don’t necessarily even want anyone to say anything; we just need a warm embrace or a knowing touch that speaks more than words.” (Michelle Bengtson)

GOD, THIS PAIN IS HARD TO BEAR

God, this pain is hard to bear. Draw near me. Touch me.
Stand between me and this suffering.
Alive, risen with hope anew,
I fall upon Your promises
And ask for healing
In Jesus’ name.
Amen.

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