Parenting

When Chronic Illness  is a Member of Your Family

When illness and pain are part of the family, we need more strength, resolve, perseverance, and courage than we ever imagined. Yet, we also discover the rich blessings of presence, compassion, perspective, and profound love as we learn to live and parent five minutes at a time.

Parenting a Child with Chronic Illness

Learning to Parent Five Minutes at a Time

• We learn to speak the language of our child’s diagnosis – identifying symptoms, watching for patterns, and keeping running notes of both.
• We gain confidence as we speak to doctors, nurses, therapists, and surgeons about our child’s diagnosis, building vital working relationships.
• We grow in patience as we navigate the overwhelming world of insurance pre-authorizations and denial appeals.
• We cling to the Lord, saying over and over, “Show me, Lord.”
• We learn to forgive those we thought would be there with us through it all.

Illness and pain make many people uncomfortable. Some offer “helpful” advice (“My aunt had the exact same thing. She did/tried/gave up _____, and she’s completely cured.”). Others make a quick comment and move on to another topic, and some simply lack an understanding of the life we’re living.

“But then there are those golden moments when we meet another parent and (without backstory or explanation) we fall into conversation. This is someone we connect with, someone who understands. We feel seen, heard, encouraged, and filled up for the moments ahead.” (Cindee Snider Re)

Parenting through illness and pain costs us more than we can imagine. At the moment of diagnosis, our lives are turned upside down and inside out. Marriages, friendships, and families are severely strained, sometimes to the breaking point.

Yet Five minutes at a time, we can:

• celebrate a catnap.
• savor the scent of clean hair.
• flush a PICC line.
• tie a shoe.
• steep a cup of tea.
• fold a load of laundry.
• take a deep breath and whisper, “Help me, Lord.”

WE ARE PARENTS WHO:

• learn to separate our emotions from the needs of our children, knowing they are watching and listening at every appointment.
• grow adept at balancing appointments, laundry, dinner, school, hospitalizations, and treatment plans.
• rock and walk our little ones, doing what we can to ease their pain.
• help our teens navigate activities, ensuring there is “safe” food available, and helping them manage medications.
• watch our young adults grow weaker, sicker, and thinner every day.
• have been told to “Stop being so dramatic/pessimistic/alarmist.”
• are buried under a mountain of medical debt.
• stand on the sidelines, knowing the remarkable courage it takes for our child to stand on that court, field, pitch, or rink, leaving it all out there despite their pain, nausea, or migraine because, for them, it’s worth the sacrifice.

God knew the cost to us, our marriages, friendships, jobs, and children—even when the pain spills from their eyes, even when fear eclipses their illness, even when a life they didn’t expect and don’t want drives them toward self-harm, addiction, or suicide ideation.

“God didn’t bring you to this place to leave you where you are but to build your endurance and strengthen your relationship with Him. He promises He will faithfully sustain us through each season. He saw this coming long before you were even spoken into existence. He knows the deepest needs of your heart and loves you more than you will ever know. He does all things with intention, and you are no exception. So, take a deep breath—the God of angel armies is on your side.” (Kyle Re)

Parenting When You’re Chronically Ill

WHEN PARENTS ARE SICK

Parenting with chronic illness can feel like trying to climb a mountain on our knees. It is complex and far from easy, humbling and challenging us in ways we never imagined.

• How do we care for our children when we can’t get out of bed?
• How do we nurture our children when we’re in the hospital?
• How do we meet our children’s emotional needs when we are exhausted and fatigued?
• How do we prepare meals when we are nauseous or unable to stand?
• How do we respond with patience and kindness when we are in pain?
• How do we learn to manage the shame?

There are no easy answers to these questions, yet God gave us a beautiful promise in Isaiah 41:10: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

No matter how we feel, we are not alone. God promises to strengthen, help, and uphold us. He also reminds us not to fear what tomorrow, next week, or the next five minutes holds, for There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear … (1 John 4:18).

We are God’s beloved, created in love to raise and care for the children He placed in our lives. With God’s unconditional love in our hearts, we can pour His love into the hearts of our children.

When parenting grows from a place of surrender and dependence on God, He will do what we cannot. In Him, whatever we can do is sufficient.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

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