Shame in Chronic Illness
God’s love As the antidote to shame.
Shame tells us we are unworthy of being seen, known, or loved, but God tells a different story. His love shatters the shackles of shame in chronic illness and pain.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame… (Psalm 25:3)
THE VALLEY OF SHAME
Shame entered the world as Adam and Eve took those first fateful bites of the forbidden fruit. Suddenly, they were afraid to be seen by God. Shame is the raincoat over the soul, repelling the living water of Jesus that would otherwise establish us as the beloved of God. (Andrew Comiskey)
Most of us have endured shaming statements such as:
- If you had more faith, you would be healed.
- You haven’t been healed because of unconfessed sin.
- It’s not God’s will for you to be sick or in pain.
- Rebuke the devil and claim your healing!
Those who shame us might mean well, but often, they:
- don’t take the time to truly understand or empathize.
- fear chronic illness or pain could happen to them, too.
- feel we did (or didn’t) do something that caused our illness or pain.
- assume our faith is weak or we harbor unconfessed sin.
Every one of us needs someone safe, a bearer of the Christ, to enter our world and disturb the shame with grace. (Barry Pearman)
DISTURB SHAME WITH GRACE
Disturb the shame with grace…what a phrase! God’s Word is filled with the promise that His love breaks the shackles of our shame. He chooses us, sees us, knows us, loves us completely, and is present with us through every untrue comment, every unhelpful comparison, every failed treatment, every humiliating weakness, and every humbling request for help.
God holds us through every ragged breath, every racing heartbeat, and every time we want to run, hide, quit, lash out, or go overboard to prove wrong the one who shamed us.
Shame tells us we are unworthy of being seen, of being in a relationship with God, and of being loved in any capacity—but God’s Word says: Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. (Psalm 34:5)
SHAME HEALS AS WE SPEAK IT
Shame wants us to live divided, dishonest, disembodied lives, to treat our bodies and stories like failures to conceal, to let our lips say we believe God is good while our hearts stay discouraged in the dark. The most harrowing power of shame might be its stealth in convincing us that silencing our pain behind statements of God’s goodness is spiritual when really it’s just a churchy form of self-sufficiency.” (KJ Ramsey)
Shame breeds isolation and loneliness, controlling how we live, feel, and interact with God and others. Yet Jesus entered the world of the shamed and chose to speak with them, eat with them, walk with them, and touch them. He did not judge those in the valley of shame but chose to be present with them.
Culture equates wellness with strength. We love heroes who overcome impossible odds and underdogs who persevere and come out on top. We love happy endings, and we long for hope. Yet hope can feel complicated in the face of shame, tied to the moment our illness and pain moved from acute (which ends with a return to good health) to chronic (which is life-changing).
One of the ways our feelings of shame are healed … is through a deep experience of God’s love and a genuine experience of belonging and connection in the community of Christ. (Ken Shigematsu)
To be seen, known, and loved deeply is to discover what shatters the shackles of shame.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION
- What is your earliest memory of shame? How did it affect you?
- Did that experience change the way you see yourself?
- Do you still feel the scars of that experience?
- How do you respond to shame today?
- Do you speak words of shame to others? Do your words and intentions match?
- Is there someone you need to forgive for shaming you?
- Is there someone you need to apologize to for your shaming words?
FREE PRINTABLES
Prayers to Eradicate Shame
Shame attacks the core of our identity, making us feel worthless, insignificant, and weak, isolating us from each other and from God. Shame withers when we are connected to the God of infinite worth, overwhelming compassion, and endless love. May these words help you enter into prayer when shame is weighty and raw.
God's Love as the Antidote for Shame
For many of us, the emotional vulnerability of illness and pain has raised questions about what we did to cause it and what we are not doing to cure it. Yet feeling shame for the illness and pain we did not cause and cannot cure isn’t Biblical. God doesn’t consider us inconvenient, inadequate, incompetent, or unworthy. He loves us deeply, perfectly, and completely simply because we are His.
POSTS
The Shame of Chronic Illness and Pain
I am speaking out my shame in chronic illness so that it can no longer chain me with its lies. ... shame has taken up in my thoughts, so that we can tear down its stronghold.
Lifting Shame in our Praying
The post traumatic stress I was feeling gave me an inkling of the anxiety and shame that has become part-and-parcel of chronic illness for so many of us.
